it hit me.

life.
GROWING UP.
it's hit me.
smack dab in the face.
You know how sometimes everything just wells up inside of you? Well.
I was sitting on the floor of my bathroom crying. feeling sorry for myself.
It just him me that i'm growing up.
I just realized that i'm halfway done with my college career.
I was supposed to be officially engaged this OCTOBER.
(If my ex hadn't completely shattered  my heart)
After this May, I will never be a teenager. Ever again. Weird, right?
some things: I will never get the chance to go back too.
these are a few of the memories I so desperately wish I could save.

                                               this was taken
                                               at my nieces graduation.
                                               she spent the night teaching jessica and me
                                               how to skate board.
                                               this weekend, was one of the most carefree,
                                                happy weekends.
                                               I would give anything to go back to this.

                                                   Kalee Beck and Davin Nebeker.
                                                   They made my senior year-the best.
                                                   Movie nights, random food runs...
                                                   I don't think the two of them will EVER understand.
                                                   How much I miss this.

                                                Ah. Yes. I'm sure you all knew this was coming.
                                                The unforgettable trio.
                                                 My two very best friends
                                                 in this entire universe.
                                                They both had my heart-
                                                which was BOUND to lead to problems.
                                                I think you'd have to truly know all of us to truly
                                                understand the bond we had.
                                                But, it's over.
                                                Things are shattered.
                                                Keith comes home this October,
                                                but I know he's not going to want
                                                anything
                                                to do with me.
                                                However, lost moments are rememberd in the heart.
                                               Always.

                                           Todd Wirkus. My very first "boyfriend."
                                           I loved him the first time I saw him.
                                           He's now married
                                           (to someone i'm not so fond of)
                                           But I hope he's happy.
                                           We were Todd & Copper.
                                           Best friends.
                                           His car got stolen with me one time...
                                           I can honestly say that i've
                                           never had so much fun with a boyfriend.

                                                    THE SUMMER OF BEING SEXY.
                                                    self explanitory :)

                                          Thanksgiving's with this girl.
                                          EVERY SINGLE YEAR we'd spend thanksgiving together.
                                          And when I say every single year.....
                                          I mean sixth grade till second year of college.
                                          She's still got my back.
                                          Even though she's married :)
                                          But I miss this. Desperately.

                                                 Dillon.
                                                 Some things, can never be fixed.
                                                 Strangely, i'm over this.
                                                 I'm not over the fact that I lost a friend.
                                                 My quote for this situation is:
                                                 "Never leave the person you love
                                                  for the person you like.
                                                  Because
                                                  the person you like,
                                                  will leave you for the person they love."
                                                  I was young.
                                                  Stupid.
                                                  But I learned a lot.
                                                  That doesn't change the fact that I messed up.
                                                  On a LOT of things.
                                                  But I miss my friend.
                                                  Not a day will ever go by,
                                                  that I wish we'd handled things differently.

                                           KENN AND LACY.
                                           My college girls.
                                           As a scared, timid freshman....
                                           you need girls like this.
                                           Lacy is now married.
                                           Kendall is moving to Washington.
                                           But we have had some EPIC times together.
                                           Late nights. Heart to hearts. Living together.
                                           These girls will always be so special to me.

Anyways. That's my soap box.
I've realized that I can't go back, no matter how hard I wish I could.
BUT
That is such inspiration for me to enjoy the things I have going on for me now.
Because I never know how long they're going to last.

and if you're wondering....I got up off the bathroom floor.


bathrooms are not for crying.
unless you stub your toe on the toilet. 


:)